Pregnancy Update

For those of you who don't know about my pregnancy condition, or have been anxiously awaiting updates, but didn't want to disturb me, I thought I would try blogging about my situation. I will try to explain what has been going on without going into too much biological detail.

The worst news of my life happened last Thursday. I had been having what I believed was a normal and healthy pregnancy. During the first trimester, I wasn't really sick, I only threw up 4 times, and I didn't have to miss any work. The second trimester was going even better. Isaac and I would go for a little walk almost every evening, and I had just started to feel the babies move.

Last Thursday I had my regular scheduled 20 week ultrasound appointment where they thoroughly examine the baby (and most people find out the sex, although they were able to tell me this quite a bit earlier). I woke up like any normal day and got ready for work. I had already scheduled to take off work a few hours early to go to my doctor's appointment. But as the day went on, I just didn't feel great. I just felt "blah". There was nothing specifically wrong, a little crampy, and little bloated, but nothing that raised any major concerns. As more time went on I felt more constipated. So I tried going to the bathroom and felt something coming out somewhere it wasn't supposed to come out. I immediately left work and told Isaac I would meet him at the hospital. Fortunately he has been doing his Ob/Gyn medical school rotation at the same hospital my doctor delivers. So he was able to call my doctor and explain the situation. I was told to go to the doctor's office, not the hospital for an exam. At the exam, the doctor told me I needed to go to the hospital immediately. So the doctor called the hospital while Isaac was driving me there and everything was set up and ready to go when we got there.

It turned out that I was going into preterm labor and had an "incompetent cervix". This is something that can happen in pregnancies where the cervix begins thinning and dilating for no known reason. One of the baby's amniotic sacs was pushing it's way out of the uterus. The doctors immediately put me on bed rest with my head lowered to the ground hoping that gravity would push the amniotic sac back to where it belonged.

They left me resting like that all afternoon and night on Thursday. On Friday morning the doctors came in to do an ultrasound. They saw that the amniotic sac was still bulging down, but even worse was that one baby's feet/legs was sticking through the opening. They gave me the option of going into surgery where they use balloons to gently push the baby back into the uterus and then they sow the cervix shut. The doctors didn't think the surgery would be successful because my situation was so severe, but we decided to go ahead with it anyway.

The surgery went very well and everyone was pleased that it even worked. But they found out that the amniotic sac from the baby that was sticking out was thinner than it should have been. A layer of the protective coating had worn off and the doctors were worried about his membranes rupturing (ie: water breaking)

I stayed under observation in the hospital all day Friday and Saturday. The baby's water did not break during that whole time.

On Sunday morning things were looking promising, so they moved me out of labor and delivery to a longer-term area of the hospital. Unfortunately around 1pm on Sunday, the little baby's water broke. At this stage in pregnancy the amniotic fluid is critical for lung development. The baby breathes the fluid in and out and somehow that makes the lungs work when they are born. I assumed that I would go into labor very soon after the water broke and that the baby wouldn't have long to live. But it turns out that babies can still live for months in the belly after the water breaks. This isn't usually the case, because water breaking early is often a sign of infection and the mother's body is trying to get rid of the infection. They also said that on a rare occasion there is enough amniotic fluid in the sac for the baby to breathe (because the baby is constantly making more fluid) and they might turn out okay.

Sunday night they needed to take me back into surgery and remove the stitches they put in to keep the cervix shut. If the baby did have an infection the uterus would naturally go into labor, and it could be very harmful to me if the stitches were still in place. So I had the stitches removed, which was a very unpleasant experience.

The doctor's all thought I would go into labor within the next 6-24 hours and push the one baby out. Apparently there are times when one twin will be born, but the other twin can stay in the uterus for months longer. They don't really know why or how that happens, but our hope was that we would be able to save one of the babies.

I did not go into labor Sunday night, Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. So they decided to remove my catheter and let me shower and go to the bathroom on my own. Everything was looking fairly good, so they started prepping me for home bed rest.

On Thursday morning I went in for another ultrasound. They looked at the baby whose water broke, and it didn't look good. But it didn't look much different than it did before the surgery. They figured that I lasted a whole week in this condition and nothing got worse, so they let me leave the hospital.

Isaac and I arrived home Thursday afternoon around 3pm. I was faithfully obeying my bed rest rules by only getting up to go to the bathroom. I was so nervous about being home that I didn't even want to shower until I got my special little disabled shower chair the following day. (That was saying a lot considering I only had one shower in the week I was at the hospital. I am surprised that more people don't have infections from laying in their own filth in the hospital.) Around 6pm that evening I started having contractions. I was a little nervous, but every day in the hospital I would have a round of contractions around dinner time that would die off before bedtime. So I didn't really think much of it. I had small, mostly painless contractions from 6-8pm that night, but they completely stopped as they did in the hospital. Around 9:30pm that night I was ready for bed, so I had Isaac help me to the bathroom. When I was finished going, I stood up to walk the few steps to my bed and felt something coming out.

I knew the baby was being delivered, so I had Isaac lay me on the bathroom floor to perform the delivery. Fortunately earlier in the day Isaac borrowed some hemostats (clamp-like things) in case he had to deliver the baby. The baby was so little that there was no pain or bleeding. I didn't even have to push at all to get my little boy out. Isaac did an amazing job of clamping and cutting the umbilical cord and letting my hold my baby. Then he called the doctor and an ambulance to get me to the hospital. (The ambulance part was quite a disaster, but I won't go into details now.)

The whole time I just got to hold and admire my little boy. Isaac and I knew it was extremely unlikely that I could keep him going for another 4+ weeks. We were hoping and praying for a different outcome. But we were so incredibly grateful that my little baby could be delivered at home. We knew he couldn't live outside the womb at this stage (which is why they let me go home at all), but it was nice to have that time with just the three of us until the ambulance came.

We named our little boy Peter Isaac. He was so tiny and precious. His little heart beat for about an hour before he returned to our Heavenly Father. I was allowed to hold him almost that entire time. He was born 10 inches long and weighed just over 10 oz. He was delivered breach with his little legs crossed around the ankles and had one fist just under his chin. He looked absolutely beautiful and peaceful. He looked just like a little Isaac and couldn't have been more perfect. His tiny little hand fit on the tip of my finger, and he had the most precious little fingernails.

Waiting in the hospital for your children to pass away has been the hardest thing Isaac and I have ever experienced. But being able to hold my little Peter for a short time was wonderful. I have never been as sad and heartbroken about anything in my entire life. I have missed Peter every minute of every day since he was born. I can't help but wonder what it would have been like to have him as a healthy baby and watch him grow up. I am so sad that I won't be able to see Isaac be his daddy and teach him to play sports and take care of him. But I am so grateful that Isaac and I can be sealed to our little Peter and that we will be his parents in the next life. Our little boy came to this life perfect and left perfect. He will have a place in the Celestial Kingdom, and Isaac and I realize that we have a lot to live up to now.

The hospital staff was so great about helping us have some mementos of our little baby. They dressed him up in a cute little outfit, took some beautiful pictures of him, gave him a teddy bear that was bigger than he was, made some certificates with his footprints, and made him a footprint mold. They were all so supportive and caring, and we are so grateful for all they have done.

Fortunately after Peter was delivered, my body stopped labor and our sweet little girl is still growing inside me. We have been hoping and praying that things will work out for her. Her situation doesn't look great, but her amniotic sac hasn't ruptured, so she stands a much better chance than Peter ever did. We still have a long road ahead of us because our little girl won't be viable until at least 24 weeks, and even that only gives a 30% chance of surviving in the NICU. But we are fighting to keep her with us as long as possible.

Throughout this whole experience we have been overwhelmed by the love and support of our family, friends, ward members, coworkers, and hospital staff. Everyone has been so considerate of our situation and has prayed for us. We have had countless people offer any type of assistance, and even though we haven't been able to take many people up on their offers while I am stuck in the hospital, we are so thankful for everyone's thoughts and prayers.

I am hoping to be better about keeping this blog updated on my status, so check back often to cheer our baby girl on.