Sweet Baby Jane

Although this is a little late, I wanted to take a few minutes and tell the story of my sweet baby Jane.

On Monday Isaac and I went to an ultrasound where they evaluated Jane's condition. They said she was far down and resting on my cervix, but it didn't seem like her amniotic bag was bulging or any of her body parts were sticking through. We had two options: 1) Put in another cerclage (sew up the cervix) or 2) do nothing but stay on bed rest. There were pros and cons with both these plans.

Putting in another cerclage would be risky because there is a chance the water will break during surgery. And sewing the cervix closed often triggers labor and induces contractions, which we were trying to avoid. But it would have allowed us to remove my catheter and be able to be on bed rest with bathroom privileges (ie: showering and not using a bedpan).

Doing nothing was risky because my cervix was dilated--meaning that Jane could potentially fall out like Peter did if I ever stood up. The doctors wouldn't let me keep my catheter in for as long as I would be on bed rest, so I would have to use a bed pan the entire time. But it would be the least invasive option and less likely to trigger labor.

After the ultrasound, the doctor advised us to do nothing for a few more days. They scheduled another ultrasound for Thursday where they would re-evaluate the situation.

On Tuesday afternoon as I was lying in bed around 3:30pm, I suddenly felt a gush of fluid. I called in the nurse and they started doing some exams to determine if Jane's water broke. On one exam they saw that the amniotic sac was coming out and little feet were moving. Shortly after that, around 4:00pm, I went into "labor". The nurses tried to put in an IV and missed a few times. During my stay in the hospital I was poked at least 7 times for IVs, but only 3 of them were actually successful. I hate getting IVs, they are incredibly painful for my little veins. Then I started shaking violently and my teeth were chattering. It felt like I was awake through a 30 minute seizure. (Apparently this is a frequent symptom of labor, but I have never heard of it.) I was having a hard time breathing through the shakes, and the nurses started piling warm blankets all over my body and wrapping them around my head.

I was rushed to the Labor and Delivery unit where they were finally able to give me some pain killer. I was put on some IV medicine that made me really loopy and relaxed. It was able to stop my shaking and normalize my breathing. The doctor had me push for a few minutes, but decided it would be better to wait a little while longer. Around 6:00pm the doctor came back and had me start pushing. I wasn't having normal contractions, so they weren't able to time my pushes. I just had to push for about an hour until my little Jane came out. During that time my painkiller completely wore off. I was very grateful for that. I wasn't in much pain during the pushing (although it was exhausting) because I wasn't having contractions. That allowed me to be completely conscious when my sweet baby Jane came out.

My little Jane was so precious. The doctors cut her umbilical cord and handed her to me. Then they all left to give Isaac and I some time alone with my baby girl. Jane did not look anything like Peter. They had completely different head shapes. Jane had larger, more prominent eyes. Their noses were very different. And Jane had a nice big, wide mouth. She was much more mobile than Peter. As I was cradling her, I tried to hold her little hand and she moved it back close against her body. Just like Peter, she liked to keep her fist balled up under her chin. She was quite a bit bigger than my little Peter. She was 10.5 inches long and weighed 13.6 oz.

She was a beautiful little baby. I absolutely loved watching Isaac interact with her. I know that if she would have made it she would have had him wrapped around her little finger. He looked at her with so much love and thought she was completely adorable. Isaac was tender and loving with Peter, but Jane just melted his heart. Even now when he looks at pictures of Jane he always comments about how beautiful she was.

Our sweet baby Jane was able to stay with us for about 30 minutes until she passed away. It was so wonderful to spend time with her and take some photos while she was still with us. Isaac and I are so glad that she has returned to be with her older brother Peter. We know that they will be happy together and are awaiting the time that Isaac and I will be with them again. We are so grateful for the gospel and the knowledge we have that these two little angels will always be ours. Both babies were so perfect and amazing. Not a day has gone by that I haven't cried over the loss of Peter and Jane, but I am glad to know they are safe and happy. Although this has been a difficult journey for Isaac and I, we are relieved to have a resolution to this experience. It was so hard waiting in the hospital day after day wondering if it would be the day our babies would be taken away. We are so grateful that Jane was able to come quickly after her water broke so she wasn't suffering. Even if our sweet babies would have made it for 4 weeks on bed rest, their chances of making it weren't great and their recoveries would be long and hard. We are so grateful that Peter and Jane were born to us looking peaceful and content. We are eternally grateful for the time we could spend with them on this earth, and we will think of them constantly in our hearts.