I'm Pregnant

On Christmas Eve Isaac and I found out I was pregnant.  We had been arguing about having more kids for over a year.  Isaac felt very strongly that we should have another one.  And I felt strongly that we shouldn't.  My pregnancy with Luke was hard and I bled the whole first trimester.  I felt strongly that my body couldn't handle it or that something bad was going to happen.  But Isaac kept bugging and bugging me.  So eventually I caved and said we could try for 2 months until the school year the baby would be born in would change.  And we ended up getting pregnant.  The baby is due on August 28, 2019, just 3 days before our cut-off.  And as part of our deal, Isaac had to buy me a new mattress and massage chair.

The whole first trimester was really hard for me.  I was definitely the sickest of any of my pregnancies.  I threw up more times than any of the others.  And every evening I felt terrible and had very low energy. 

At 13 or 14 weeks I got a cerclage.  That went really well.  I think it was my easiest recovery yet.  And at 15 weeks I went in for an ultrasound to make sure the cerclage was good.  At that time the doctor told us the gender.  He said, "definite boy parts."  Every other time I have found out my baby's gender at the same time and they were all correct.  But the doctors always said something like, "it's still really early, but I'm 70% sure it's a girl."  But my doctor seemed so confident that it was a boy.  We were so excited to be having a little boy.  We thought it would be perfect to have 2 girls and 2 boys.  Luke would have a little buddy.  And it seemed to all be working out.

The second trimester went well.  At 20 weeks I went in for the big ultrasound.  The ultrasound tech looked at my chart and said, "it looks like you have a cerclage and already know the gender."  Then she went on measuring things.  When she reached the sex determinations she said, "looks like a little girl." I immediately said, "WHAT!?! The doctor told us it was a little boy."  Instantly the room got really awkward.  The tech didn't want to call the doctor an idiot, but she checked again and stood by her analysis it was a girl.  And I was really upset.  Even though nothing really changed, it was hard thinking we were having a boy for 5 weeks and then having to switch that thinking to a girl.  We had already decided on a name, made plans for room arrangements, bought a few things, and envisioned a life with Luke having a baby brother.  So getting rid of all those thoughts felt like a loss in a lot of ways.  I love my little girls, but having a boy felt so right.

So for the remainder of the pregnancy we have felt really unsettled about the gender.  Is it really a girl?  What did they see the first time that were "definite boy parts"?  And even though we have moved forward planning for a girl, I haven't felt like I will believe it until she is born.

And now I'm about a week away from being induced.  This pregnancy has been really hard on me.  I haven't been sleeping well for months.  By about 2am my hips hurt so bad that I have to come sleep sitting up on the couch.  I don't know if it's because I'm getting older, or because I've now been pregnant 5 times, but my symptoms seem to be coming on a lot sooner and stronger.  So I'm thrilled to be done being pregnant soon and to finally meet this little baby.  Everything is finally set up for her, so we are ready for her to come any day.